He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
