She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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