I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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