This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
