planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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