These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
