i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
