We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
