I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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