VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Let's get the cat blown out
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
