so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
