Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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