i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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