after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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