I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
