She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
