just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
