u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
