I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
