he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I currently don't understand fingers.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
