i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
