I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
