He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
