was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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