At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
