just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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