Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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