I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
