i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
