her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
