You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the liver wants what the liver wants
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.