my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.