In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.