Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?