pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My penis needs a shock collar
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award