you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
