Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
