TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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