You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
