Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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