for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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