I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
