Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
