Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
only you would photoshop your dick
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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