Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
