Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
