Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
