There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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