There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Randomize
