Tell her she can't have a vagina
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
