Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
