Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
