I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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