i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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