She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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