Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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