Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
