we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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