Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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