You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
