I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
