if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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