I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
