Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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