And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just pynch a tree in the face
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
