there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
