Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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