Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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