10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
