Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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