dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
