Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
