as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
