Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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