You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
