We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
